So This is Christmas

Right now I'm feeling very good. Although this might be because I am on 10 Mg of Perkiset right now...I feel like there is more to it.

Its Christmas break for one. I am so incredibly happy to be home and be surrounded by family. I feel kind of bad because I have been very cranky and bitchy to them since I've been home but I mean come on...I just got my wisdom teeth out and I'm in a lot of pain so I feel like I have a semi good excuse there.

I have finished all of my Christmas Cards so now all I need to do is buy stamps and mail them out. Once I completely recover from my wisdom teeth I'm going to go and buy Emily a gift for her bridal shower which I'm excited about. The theme is basically different times of the day and I got Cocktail Hour. A very fun hour to shop for. :) I also can't wait to put up the Christmas tree and decorate it while listening to Christmas songs. I love Christmas so much. Its such a wonderful time of year.

So far most of my grades have been posted and I've gotten all A's and B's. I'm waiting on my grade for French which will most likely be an A...but might be a high B depending on how I did on my final. And I'm not quite sure about my Seminar in Auditions class. Its the only one I'm really kind of nervous about so I hope she posts it soon so that I can stop worrying.

Umm other than that things are going well. There is a guy in my life who is interested in me and I am interested in him...although I am hesitant to take it anywhere so I'm just gonna follow my instincts with it and whenever it feels right is whenever I will actually pursue it. still...we went on a sort of date the other day and it was really fun and cute. I enjoyed myself a lot. So we'll just see how that is.

Also...another wonderful thing that is going for me is that I am finally free from my bitch of a roommate. I literally have never in my life met somebody I did not like more and living with her was a nightmare. Being around her was a nightmare. All the negative energy that she put into that room put a lot of stress on me and made it impossible for me to relax in my own bedroom so now that I am moving out I know that things will be a lot better for me. A LOT better. Plus not only am I getting away from her but also I'm getting a private room which is something that will make my life better. I really need some privacy especially when I get stressed out...sometimes I cry and sometimes I freak out and somtimes I just HAVE to be alone in order to truly relax. So I'm really excited about it. And I'm really excited about getting to decorate the way I want to.

Life is just really good right now. That is basically the gist of this entry. And on a brighter note still...I am finally getting over him. Its happening slowly but surely and that is wonderful. Ok. I've written enough for now.
Much love to everybody who reads this.

[no title]

I was too lazy to come up with a title for this entry...so there we go.

I lost my scan card. Like really lost it...not sure what I'm going to do about that. I'm also about to go to a very girly kitchen themed bridal shower....it makes me laugh. I'm perplexed really. What the hell do you do at those things anyways...lol.

So I love how the second you put a title on something...any title not even that serious...things get weird. Lovely. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother with men anymore. I just wind up getting hurt or wind up utterly confused. haha. Its funny because I try so hard to be that woman who isn't clingy and gives the guy some space. I can go for days without texting them but the second I do text them with anything they get paranoid on me and categorize me into that clingy category. So really its a lose lose situation. Why bother then. Thats the question.

especially when no man right now is going to take his place. I hate that I'm still upset over this breakup and I hate that I miss him and I hate that he talks to me like we are friends and I hate that I talk back...because I can't be mean to him. I hate that he always manages to get whatever he wants from me...even now. Anyways...I'm done being a crybaby.

Just had to rant for a bit. The End.

A Feeling

I have a feeling that things are about to get messy.
I have a feeling that things are about to get complicated

I don't know. Lately I feel like I should just lock myself away in my room and not interact with anybody. Everything seems to be going wrong right now. My world is a whirlwind of people, places, events, and experiences. Sometimes I can't quite keep up. Oh well. Life goes on. :)

People

I hate inconsiderate people who don't seem to understand that they can't just walk around doing whatever they want without consequences.

Sleepin a Dream About You.

The title has nothing to do with this entry. Its just the song that's stuck in my head right now. hah.

So I know its been awhile since I've written. Just been busy. Ever since I got back from New York I have been going non stop. Lets see what all has been happening. I got assigned a senior project. Its a senior acting recital which was my first choice so I'm very excited about it. It looks like I am going to be able to graduate on time. Still just thinking about all the stuff I have to do next semester in order to insure that I do in fact graduate on time is really really stressfull. I will most likely be taking 19 hours as well as working on my Senior Project. I also got cast in Crazy for You in the chorus and am understudying the lead role so that will keep my evenings busy.

Another good thing is that I got passed on at GTC so I will be going to SETC next semester in March or whenever it is. I'm also going to try to do UPTAS and Unifieds to see if I can line up work for next year.

Lets see what else...I am going to go to London in May. At first I was not thrilled just because it costs so much money and the fact that I have to do it instead of it being a choice in order to graduate...but the more I think about it the more excited I get. I've always wanted to travel outside of the United States and if I go to London that means that I can go other places too. AKA IRELAND!!! One life goal checked off the list. haha.

Umm other than all this stuff I have been doing ok. I have just been trying to go out and spend time with friends. Make new friends that kind of thing...but sometimes I still feel very alone even when I'm surrounding myself with people. Doesn't help that he has moved on completely and is happy now and doesn't seem to miss me at all. It hurts to think about...even when I know its better this way. I know with time I will get to a point where I don't care anymore either. I'm already getting there. Just need more time.

so yeah anyways there's my update. the end.

NYC! You're Standing Room Only!

I leave for NYC tomorrow morning and I am so freakin excited!
I know that I have been kind of nervous about this trip but now that its here I am confident that it will be an amazing experience and an opportunity to grow.

Things have been going well for me. I'm in a good place...or at least starting to be in a good place. I'm out there making friends and just trying to live my life and it's wonderful. I feel very...carefree. Like I can do whatever I want and nothing can get in my way. :)

K. Thats it.
The End.

(I really didn't feel like writing all that much haha)

Sometimes I wonder,,,,about myself.

I've had such an interesting week and weekend really.
Sometimes I surprise myself.
Sometimes I don't know what I'm thinking.
Sometimes I question my judgement.
Sometimes I feel like I just don't care.
haha.

NY in 6 days!

And I'm Still Hurting

Ok....so I have had an excellent week so far...but this weekend, Idk. All of the sudden I find myself remembering and being sad all over again. Idk...I guess it was bound to happen. I guess as much as you would like to believe that you are getting over a break up and you are fine, deep down you are still hurting. My parents were right...time is the only thing that can really heal me. I just wish it would speed up. I'm impatient...I've always been an impatient person. I want to move on with my life but sometimes I get stuck in my memories. Its so easy to remember the good things and not the bad. But I can't go back...and if I were given the choice I wouldn't truly want to. The only way is forward and through.

A Glimmer of Hope.

So I've had a rough week. Breaking up is hard. But all in all I think I'm doing pretty well...or as well as I can be doing with the situation. Sometimes I feel lonely...so incredibly lonely, but there are other times that I feel strong like I could do anything I set my mind too. I'm hoping that with more time the strong moments will last longer and longer until that is how I feel all the time. I've never not had a guy in my life. Somebody to run to when things get tough. Maybe this will build character. I mean...I just have to believe that God knows whats best for me. Maybe he knew that I needed to spend some time by myself in order to prepare me for when I graduate and have to start over in a new city not knowing anybody. I think this situation will help me. Plus I'm out of an unhealthy relationship that I honestly thought there was no way out of. So yeah...I'm trying to look on the bright side of things.

In other news I'm really starting to consider my options about where I am going to be living after I graduate. I've been very focused on NY and yes I will most likely end up there. But I think I need to visit around and see other places. Its just hard to find time to do that because it costs money to stay places. I want to look at Seattle, Chicago, Phenix, Denver, Boston, and LA as well as the big apple. We'll see. I am going to NY in October...now by myself instead of with Eddie. I want to try and go on an audition and see how it goes. I will keep you guys updated on how it goes. :)

Oh...last but not least. God's Ear went up and is now over. I thought it went really well. I'm sad its over because I was really starting to feel bonded to the cast around the time we went up but it'll be nice to have some free time on my hands to contemplate and work on homework and figure stuff out.

anyways thats it for now. Thanks for reading. :)

My First Blog

Well....this is my first blog. I decided to create this account not just to share my interests and feelings on the web but really more for me. A sort of catharsis if you will. I am at a point right now in my life where I need to rediscover myself. I am about to graduate and move to a city alone and I need to get a firmer idea of who I am and what I want and what I need to do to get there. But this won't all be sad entries and angry rants I promise. I want to put fun things on here too.

so anyways...thats all I'm going to say for this blog. I will write again soon. :)